Three Years Sober: What I Learned From Quitting Alcohol

July 28, 2026 marked three years since I had my last alcoholic drink. On that day, I didn’t know exactly what my life would look like without alcohol, but I knew that I was tired of having the same cyclical relationship with it.

I had quit before...then had started again. I had taken months off...then had gone back to having it in my life. I had created rules for myself about when and how much I could drink. And even though I wasn’t drinking every day, didn’t need alcohol to function, or drinking alone, what I recognized was that I was repeatedly using alcohol for reasons I didn’t like.

I drank to 

• feel more social
• feel less awkward
• relieve anxiety
• feel exciting
• feel confident
• escape uncomfortable emotions
• feel like a different version of myself

Why? Well, let's go back to the beginning.

Where Did It All Start

My love–hate relationship with alcohol started the first time I tried alcohol when I was in high school. I already had this feeling that alcohol was a substance people sometimes used to become someone they weren’t. But at the same time, I thought drinking would make me cool.

I wanted to fit in and I wanted attention. And, when I drank, I noticed that I became more outgoing, rowdy, silly, and willing to do things I wouldn’t normally do. People responded to that version of me, and that was exciting.

But looking back, it was also a little unsettling. Because the reason I "liked" drinking wasn’t necessarily because I liked alcohol. I liked who I thought alcohol allowed me to become.

And even as far back as high school, I was creating rules around alcohol, or quitting it and then allowing it back in my life. 

At 21, I was partying on the weekends in college. I was doing what I thought people my age were supposed to do, based on TV shows, media, and what society said was normal for that age. But by 23, I decided I didn’t like it again. I stopped drinking and had another six-month period without alcohol. But, not knowing how to fully stay away, I went back, and the cycle just continued again and again. It was exhausting.

Plus, when I drank, I often wasn’t interested in having one drink and calling it a night. I wanted to get drunk. I wanted to feel different. I wanted to take the edge off. I wanted to feel socially comfortable. I wanted excitement. I wanted to escape my own thoughts for a little while.

I also had this strange belief that I needed alcohol in order to be cool. Especially when I met someone new romantically, I would convince myself that drinking needed to be part of my life. I thought: “What if they think I’m boring?” or “What if they don’t like me if I’m sober?” What’s funny is, no one I dated ever told me that. I was imposing that rule on myself. I was telling myself that I needed alcohol to be accepted.

So, was I, what many would consider, an "alcoholic"? No, not really. I wasn’t drinking every day. For me, drinking was inconsistent. There were weeks when I might drink several times and weeks when I barely drank at all. But... I realized that the standard definition didn't matter. The truth was, I was relying on alcohol for something, multiple things. And I think it's important to mention that alcohol doesn’t have to completely "take over your life" before you question your relationship with it!

The Moment Everything Finally Clicked

When I was 26, I wasn’t drinking very much. Maybe once or twice a month.

One day, I was having lunch with my mom. Nothing dramatic was happening. We were simply sitting together, writing poems, drinking kombucha beer. I had just ordered and taken a sip of my second drink.

And instead of feeling relaxed, or "normal", I felt an overwhelming wave of anxiety. And something just finally clicked. I remember thinking: "I hate this." Not just the anxiety in that particular moment. The entire cycle. The constant back-and-forth. The way I kept letting alcohol into my life even though I repeatedly decided I didn’t want it there.

And then I had a much deeper realization: This isn’t helping me become the person I want to be. I am here to grow. I am here to love. I am here to feel. I am here to experience this life. And alcohol wasn’t helping me do those things to the fullest.

I had this incredibly clear feeling that I had just had my last drink. And, as of July 28, 2023, I officially began the life I now know as sobriety.

What Changed When I Stopped Drinking?

I expected sobriety to be about not drinking. It turned out to be about learning how to live.

1. I learned that I could experience social anxiety without escaping it.

For a long time, alcohol was something I used to make social situations easier. If I was nervous, I could drink. If I felt awkward, I could drink. If I didn’t know what to say, I could drink. But when alcohol wasn’t an option anymore, I had to experience those feelings.

At first, that was uncomfortable. But something interesting happened. I learned that anxiety doesn’t last forever. I could feel nervous and still have a conversation. I could feel awkward and stay. I could walk into a room sober and figure it out.

Eventually, I could even walk onto a dance floor completely sober and shake my ass at the club. And that taught me something much bigger than “I don’t need alcohol.” It taught me: I can do hard things while feeling uncomfortable.

2. I learned how to actually feel my feelings.

One of the biggest changes in my life has been learning not to immediately reach for something to take the edge off. Instead of: “I need a drink.” I started asking: “What am I feeling?” Maybe it was anxiety. Maybe fear. Maybe stress. Maybe sadness. Maybe excitement. Maybe uncertainty.

Instead of immediately trying to change the feeling, I learned to sit with it. And the more often I did that, the easier it became.

(This doesn’t mean that I never experience difficult emotions. It means I built a relationship with myself to know what to do when they arrive!)

3. I became more confident in who I am.

There is something incredibly freeing about knowing that you don’t need a substance to make you x, y, or z. I don’t have to become a louder, funnier, crazier, more outgoing version of myself anymore. I can just be me. And people can take me or leave me. And that’s okay.

There Are Health Reasons to Drink Less, Too!

What I also gained beyond the deeply personal parts of my unique sobriety journey was the enhancements in my health, nutrition, sleep, and overall wellbeing of my body.

Not everyone’s experience with alcohol is identical. And I don't think that everyone who drinks is struggling with addiction. But I wanted to share the following information if you’ve been wondering whether changing your relationship with alcohol could improve your life, because that’s a valid question to explore.

The CDC states that drinking less or choosing not to drink can lower health risks. Alcohol use is associated with a range of health concerns, including certain cancers, liver disease, high blood pressure, stroke, digestive problems, and poor sleep.

What Helped Me Quit?

1. Replacing the addictive behavior with something else.

When I wanted to drink or use nicotine, I often went for a run. Sometimes I went for a mile. Sometimes a few miles. Sometimes I went into the mountains. Sometimes I simply got outside and let myself be in nature.

2. I started paying attention to the environments I was putting myself in.

Early on, I limited my exposure to situations where alcohol was everywhere until I felt more confident in my ability to be around it without participating. It took time. I think it was about six months before I went into an environment with heavy alcohol.

3. I didn't do it alone.

I followed social media accounts about sobriety. I read books. I tried a few AA meeting. 

There is no single way to change your relationship with alcohol. Some people find community through Alcoholics Anonymous. Others prefer secular or alternative mutual-support groups. NIAAA notes that mutual-support groups can provide social support and complement professional treatment. Other options include physicians, therapists, addiction specialists, and telehealth programs.

Either way, you deserve support that fits your actual needs.

4. Intentional Self-reflection.

I have a psychology and writing background, which no doubt helped me first hand in quitting. I would spent time journaling, asking myself questions that helped me to understand what was going on underneath the surface. It increased my self-awareness, which helped me choose new steps going forward.

A Journaling Exercise for Understanding Your Relationship with Alcohol

If this post has you thinking about your own relationship with alcohol, I want to invite you to do something very simple: Find a quiet place, put your phone away, and grab a pen and paper. Give yourself 20–30 minutes to write honestly on the following prompts.

1. Why am I interested in changing my relationship with alcohol?

Don’t just write: “Because it’s unhealthy.” Go deeper. What specifically makes you want to change? How does alcohol currently affect your life? What do you like about drinking? What don’t you like?What do you find yourself using alcohol for?

2. What am I hoping will be different?

Imagine yourself one month, six months, or one year into a life where you are drinking less—or not drinking at all. What do you imagine would be different? Would you sleep differently? Would your relationships change?Would you have more energy? Would you feel more confident? Would you have more money? Would you feel more present? Would you have more time for exercise, hobbies, travel, creativity, or your family? What might become possible if alcohol took up less space in your life?

3. What am I afraid might change?

This question matters too. What are you worried you’ll lose? Your social life? Certain friendships? Spontaneity? A sense of fun? A way to relax? Be honest. You don’t have to convince yourself that sobriety will solve everything. You’re trying to understand yourself.

4. What could help me move toward this change?

Write down every possibility you can think of. Maybe it’s: going to an AA meeting, finding a sobriety community, talking to your doctor or a licensed therapist, following sober creators online, finding a new hobby, exercising when cravings arise, spending time in nature, journaling, asking a trusted friend for support, etc. You don’t need to choose everything today. Like anything else, choose one next step and take it.

If you like this exercise, also consider trying Alcohol Change UK's practical reflection exercises, including writing down your reasons for changing your drinking and identifying your triggers. 

Other Resources

Poetry for the in-between season

Sometimes we need information. Sometimes we need community. And sometimes we simply need words that make us feel less alone.

My poetry collection, My Cup of Coffee, explores many of the thoughts that surface when we’re forced to slow down and actually listen to ourselves. The collection moves through love, loss, spirituality, identity, nature, doubt, and the questions we carry through life.

There are a few poems in particular that I think may resonate with anyone who is questioning an old pattern, trying to reconnect with themselves, or learning how to sit with their own thoughts without immediately trying to escape them.

Listen to my full sobriety story

I recorded an episode of the All With Heart Podcast about my own sobriety journey.

Sometimes hearing someone else’s experience is the reminder we need that we’re not the only person asking these questions.

If you want my support while you’re making a change

Changing a behavior isn’t always just about the behavior itself. Sometimes you have to understand the identity, beliefs, emotions, habits, fears, and needs underneath it.

That’s one of the reasons I created All With Heart’s 1:1 self-transformation coaching and personal training programs.

It isn’t therapy or addiction treatment, and I don’t position coaching as a replacement for professional or medical care if that is what you need. But, if it is aligned for you, it’s a space for self-development, reflection, intentional change, and accountability.

Through personalized journaling prompts, reflection, conversation, goal setting, and ongoing support, we can explore the deeper questions underneath whatever you’re trying to change. That might mean exploring your relationship with alcohol. It might mean rebuilding your confidence. It might mean understanding why you keep returning to an old pattern. Or it might simply mean figuring out who you want to become next.

Three Years Later...Where Am I Now?

Three years ago, I wasn’t trying to become perfect. I wasn’t trying to become a completely different person. I just knew something wasn’t working for me anymore. And I decided to stop negotiating with myself and quit alcohol.

Today, I can say that sobriety has given me something I didn’t know I was looking for: the freedom to be myself. I don’t need alcohol to make me fun. I don’t need it to make me confident. I don’t need it to take the edge off. I don’t need it to help me escape. And I don’t need it to make me someone people will like. I get to show up exactly as I am. And that’s enough.

If you’re questioning your relationship with alcohol right now, I hope you know this: You are not weird. You are not alone. And you don’t have to figure out everything today. If the idea of never drinking again feels overwhelming, you might start smaller.

Try a week and see how you feel. Then try a month. Pay attention to what changes. Pay attention to what gets harder. Pay attention to what gets easier. And, most importantly, pay attention to who you become when alcohol isn’t making decisions for you.

Maybe your next step is something different. Maybe it’s a meeting. Maybe it’s a conversation. Maybe it’s a journal entry. Maybe it’s asking for professional help. Whatever it is, start with one step in the direction that feels like you’re adding vitality to your life. 

With love and pumping blood,

The Heartbeat